Mastering Motherhood

If you are surviving on little-to-no sleep, don’t recognise yourself when you look in the mirror, and can’t string a coherent sentence together if it doesn’t include a line from a nursery rhyme, you, like me, must have just had a baby. Congratulations! Welcome to the glorious yet galling world of being a parent and postgraduate researcher!

It was around the time that my daughter, Azzurra, reached the three-month milestone (during a frustratingly lengthy night feed with only my imagination to keep me company) when I decided that taking on a Psychology Masters in Research (MRes) was the best idea since Amazon Prime. Several months on and I’m deep into my role as a postgraduate researcher; night feeds are (almost) a thing of the past and, truthfully, I’m grateful to the bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived, wishful-thinking “past me” for planting the seed and striving for more.

Surprisingly, the nature of postgraduate research in comparison to your typical postgraduate degree holds a lot of advantages for parents. You are entrusted with a research project, much like a gigantic dissertation, rather than having to attend lectures and complete assessments, so, to some extent, you do get to manage your own time. Is it easy? Um, no! And, that’s coming from a woman who was in labour for three days. Yet, I’m slowly but surely finding ways which make this journey a little smoother, and I am here to share them with new mums who are on (or are considering) a similar path. I hope they help!

#1 Please can you take my baby?

By this, I mean you should secure yourself regular and reliable childcare – not that you should hand over your child to the next pair of available hands, run towards the sunset and never look back. (Don’t mind me, just another night-feed fantasy). Guaranteeing yourself substantial pockets of infant-free time means that you can subscribe your wholehearted, guilt-free attention to your other baby – your thesis! Be it roping in the grandparents or undergoing an extensive audition process resembling a Britain’s Got Talent of childcare to choose the perfect nanny or nursery – get the help! It will make all the difference to your workload, mood, and mothering skills.

#2 Where has my day gone?!

This is what you’ll be asking yourself if you don’t manage your baby-free time well. Be warned! You will be tempted to clean your house and organise your child’s baby-grow drawer! (This is precisely why I don’t work from home). To avoid this insatiable urge, I find myself a quiet place on campus, put my headphones on, write myself a “must-do” list and work ferociously through it for that childless time – occasionally coming up for air (and by that, I mean a Starbucks).

#3 Can I bring my baby?

Another way to lose track of your working day is to fill it with Teams meetings! Though often necessary, don’t feel like you should schedule every meeting for a childfree day, unless you want to leave yourself short on time to get any work done. Don’t be afraid to ask the facilitator if you can bring your baby!

I have Azzurra on my lap for most Teams meetings which has never caused any issues… aside from the one unfortunate occasion which coincided with a day she was struggling to nap. This resulted in me setting out on an impromptu two-hour trek with her in the pram to send her off to sleep.

Though my quest was successful, I had no choice but to attend the meeting sat on a bench in the middle of a park, miles away from my house (and most civilisation) with nothing more than my phone armed with just 10% battery and terrible signal. Of course, my device didn’t make it to the end of the meeting, however everyone was extremely understanding and supportive, and the experience taught me to always be prepared!

The fact is, most people understand that, as a parent, you’re always trying to do your absolute best so don’t beat yourself up if things do go a bit wrong.

#4 Fancy a catch up?

Don’t be afraid to schedule in some social time. This, I believe, still equates to using your time wisely; it’s important for us mums to work towards regaining an identity outside of motherhood by reconnecting with old pals or forming new friendships with your colleagues. The university offer ample opportunity for this by arranging postgraduate events, so keep an eye out on your emails for invites and try to attend so you can connect with likeminded people and start to feel more like yourself.

And lastly…

#5 Can I be “mum” now?

Yes! Outside of childcare hours and meetings, go be “mum”! Everyone warns you how quickly this time goes, and I for one do not want to look back knowing I spent half of it responding to emails while Azzurra is crying out of bored frustration on her playmat. Set your emails to ‘out of office’, go to the park, take baby yoga, talk, and read and do all the lovely things that make being a mum the best job in the world.

Alessia Evans is a full time Masters by Research student in the Lifespan Health and Wellbeing Research Group at the University of South Wales. Her research, being conducted with Linc Cymru, looks at how to engage elderly male care home residents in social activities.

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